William J. Leininger, PC, Inc.
William J. Leininger, PC, Inc.
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WHY MEDIATE
10 REASONS TO TRY DIVORCE MEDIATION by William J. Leininger, Esq.
You’ve decided to seek a divorce. Your nerves are frayed; the in-laws are asking pointed questions; the children are beginning to act up in all-too-transparent ways; and your pleasantness is in the midst of an earthshaking landslide. What can you do? Clearly, you can hire legal advice. But who? Here’s a checklist of reasons why working with a trained mediator can often help:
1. IT COSTS LESS
When both spouses meet with one Divorce Mediator they can share the cost, which is commonly $2,750.00 to $7,000.00 total. If the spouses were to retain separate attorneys to represent them in the divorce, each would be paying a retainer of between $5,000.00 and $10,000.00 just to get started!
2. YOU HAVE CONTROL
In Divorce Mediation the couple controls how quickly or slowly decisions are made, when the divorce Petition is filed, and what the terms of the divorce will be in the Marital Settlement Agreement. Each step is by agreement, in contrast to the adversarial process in which attorneys set court dates and judges make decisions with very limited time and information.
3. PAPERWORK DONE FOR YOU
Many people try to do their own divorces these days, but run into difficulty trying to understand the laws and the complex paperwork involved. A mediator who is an attorney can prepare the Marital Settlement Agreement (Stipulation of Settlement) for you to review – line by line, and to ask questions about anything you don’t understand.
4. EASIER ON CHILDREN
The worst aspect of a divorce for children is the conflict between the parents. It will be traumatic enough for them, but they can heal knowing that their parents are working together to make adult decisions and will not put them in the middle.
5. EASIER ON YOU
The way your marriage ends will significantly impact the way you approach your future relationships. When you use a mediator to help both of you communicate and make important decisions, it can be easier to move forward and accept the past, rather than turning hurt and anger into an expensive court battle.
6. YOU CAN STILL GO TO COURT
When people use divorce mediation, they do not give up their right to go to court. If you are not satisfied in mediation, you can stop at any time, retain a separate attorney and have the judge decide the issues. What has occurred in mediation will remain confidential, so the parties can start fresh.
7. YOU GET LEGAL INFORMATION
In divorce mediation with an attorney, you will be provided with enough legal information to make your own decisions about what is fair. While an attorney acting in the role of a mediator cannot advise either party, the attorney can share his or her general knowledge of how the court might address the issues in your case. Each spouse is also encouraged to consult with a separate attorney for legal advice, especially before signing the Marital Settlement Agreement.
8. EMOTIONS CAN BE MANAGED
Many people simply want to be heard and understood in the divorce process. However, on their own, this can get out of control, as each person triggers anger and resentment in the other — often unintentionally. A mediator trained in counseling can assist the parties in acknowledging feelings but not allowing feelings to control the decision-making process.
9. IT'S CONFIDENTIAL
In private divorce mediation, all discussions and tentative agreements are confidential. This makes it safe to propose solutions for possible consideration without having them all thought out. This can lead to new solutions neither party had previously considered.
10. IT BUILDS ON THE POSITIVE
In mediation, both parties are encouraged to recognize the positive in the other person and to find common ground for agreement. In court, each side must emphasize the negative about the other person in order to “win” against the other. Especially when there will be future contact between the parties, such as in parenting, whatever goodwill remains between the parties should be preserved and not destroyed.
THE CHART BELOW EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DIVORCE LITIGATION AND DIVORCE MEDIATION
| Unknown length of time for the process, high potential for long, stressful battles in court over motions, depositions, trials, etc. can last for 18-24 months or more. | Informal sessions with planned agenda, plus agreed upon time period for reaching agreement results in shortening the divorce process to about 1-3 months. |
| Very costly due to the inherent inefficiencies of court litigation and attorney negotiations often costing $10,000-$20,000 per person. | Mediation will cost much less because of set time frame and no need for a trial. Most mediated divorces cost under $3,000 per person. |
| A couple abdicates decision-making to a judge or to the lawyers and loses control of the process and the result. | Couple takes responsibility for their own decisions and equally control the process and the outcome. |
| Communication between the couple is discouraged by the adversarial process. | Communication between the spouses is the basis on which decisions and agreements are made by the couple. |
| Lawyers and judges are not trained to deal with the emotional aspects of divorce. | Certified mediators in Florida are trained in the emotional aspects of divorce. |
| Settlement may be imposed by a neutral judge who works for the state. | Couple designs their own settlement with the assistance of a neutral divorce mediator who works for the couple. |
| Confrontation, bitterness, and hostility are often created by the adversarial legal process. | Cooperation and trust are developed by the nature of the mediation process. |
| Children may be adversely affected by their parents' divorce experience. | Good relationship between parents at the end of mediation fosters positive adjustment for their children. |
| Based on the "win-lose" conflict resolution strategy. | Based on "win-win" conflict resolution strategy. |
Mr. Leininger believes that for most people online Divorce Mediation is the best method of getting divorced.